Essay: The Difference Between Being Alone & Being Lonely.

There’s sharp difference between being alone and being lonely. Personally, I love being alone; it’s when I’m at my funniest, my sexiest, my most powerful. It’s when I can collect my thoughts without anyone needing to hear them or annoyingly ask “what’re you thinking about?” I can analyse and dissect my life and the problems…

Essay On: Exploring Sexuality, Gender & Femininity.

When I was little, beneath the age of ten, I spent a lot of time with my cousins. Back then our numbers totalled at six; three boys and three girls, all of which sat in the same age category, give or a take a couple of years. The two I spent most of my time…

Unlikely Things I’ve Said on a Night Out

The following are things I’ve said and/or written down on recent nights out. Yet still I drink. Gays can sense other gays. It’s like when you’ve petted another dog and your dog just knows. Let it be noted that sober Topher went out on his own volition and regrets everything. I hate meeting ‘Twitter gays’…

Why Can’t I Look Like That? – My Instagram Obsession.

I have spent the last week fleeing from reality, like a child from the monster under his bed. This is a trait I employ whenever anything threatens to get too real. It’s a trait that’s necessary, redundant and embarrassing. When I feel like this I am rendered unable to explore the world beyond my flat….

Short Essay on Sexual Assault, Toxic Relationships & Trauma.

A therapist once told me that a hallmark of trauma is the inability to recognise the presence of toxicity in your life. She told me that when you’re sexually assaulted – like I was at a young age – your sense of worth and self begins to shrink and wither. Without noticing it you begin…

Protect Trans Kids

Donald Trump; an orange beach ball of prejudice and despair; inflated by nothing but hate and a mindset only acceptable forty years ago and in parts of the South you should never visit. A 300lbs bag of manure stuffed into a 260lbs meat-suit. Also the POTUS. The theme of the Trump Administration: HATE. Obama implemented so many LGBT…

Awkward

A note about life, my book ‘Toothbrush’ and being awkward.

JOB

I make it no secret that I am nowhere near where I’d like to be just now. This is true for every aspect of my life: Career wise I’m in a job that pays my bills but also rapidly depletes both my soul and energy; romantically, the longest relationship I’ve been in is with my…

A Coffee With Someone New

The first time I meet someone out with the realms of chance meetings in clubs and without the aid of an alcoholic crutch, is always a nerve racking experience for me. Even if it’s not a date, y’know, just a casual coffee, a hopeful prelude to friendship, I’m still freak out. The lead up is…

Question: Do you know what it’s like to be afraid of yourself?

I am addicted to the promise of being normal. For over a decade now I’ve been funnelling exorbitant amounts of subscribed medication into my system, all with the hope that my brain would function like that of a normal person. I’ve allowed myself to be a NHS slot machine for pills, councillors and therapists alike….

The 80’s Screwed Us Over

I am very lost right now. I’m not even at a crossroads, where at least I’d have a 25% change of going the right way. No. I am stranded in the middle of Sahara armed with nothing but punctured dreams and  a half-empty water bottle. Got to love that ole cliché. You know, the one…

Sitting Still With Anxiety

I’m pretty aware of all my flaws, mostly because if I haven’t already highlighted them myself, then someone else has took immense pride in pointing them out. It’s not all Regina George ego over here. Oh God, I have so many flaws that it’s impossible to list. That’s what a lot of my focus will…