I’ve been sort of floundering lately in all aspects of my life. At work, socially, with my family; just every corner of my life right now. I feel incredibly lost and not just with the direction of my life, but with myself too. It started about three/four weeks ago. Now, I’ve never been one to see things with crystal clarity, so I won’t bullshit about that, but this current ‘crisis’ (if you could call it that) stems from a recent change in medication which in turn has led to personality traits that were subdued beginning to resurface, as well as a tidal wave of emotions crashing over me.
So, what happened was I changed medication. The one I was one I had been taking for years and although it stopped me (most of the time) from catapulting into some sort downward spiral frenzy, it wasn’t particularly helpful in balancing my mood. So after years of seesawing between positive and negative moods, I opted to ask my GP for a change of prescription and he agreed.
I genuinely have no idea who I am right now. I’m even giving false names at Starbucks. So I need to do something constructive, something creative. Something stimulating to help alleviate the symptoms of crushing despair and hopefully writing will help me become less confused about, well, everything.
Like all creative people I find solace in my art. As a musician I have let that outlet go as time is simply never on my side. As a writer I find I’m constantly stuck in a mental traffic jam, I can see ideas lurking on the horizon, I simply cannot get there fast enough and thus, lose interest – that essentially is my pretentious way of saying I have writers block and I’m unable to afford a piano.
With that said I’ve decided that I’m going to write every day for the next year. An erratic self-indulgent spiel daily. Whether it be in the form of a blog/dairy-type entry giving insight into my day, a few sentences, article or even a random quote, I have tasked myself to write something, anything, so that at the very least at the end of each dragged out day I can have a slight whiff of accomplishment about me.
So here goes: A year in the life of someone who doesn’t know who they are.