The fear.

Apologies in advance for how short and random this entry is. As I said when I started this page I was going to update this page every day, and I plan on sticking to that. However, I am sporting a reeking hangover so that’ll likely dent the content of this entry. Once again I am sorry!

My original plan was to come straight home from work last night and have an early night, but sadly such sensible and tender plans were not meant to be. I was convinced (obviously it took ages…) to go out with friends from work. Finished at 10pm, was drunk by 11pm.

This of course has given me a brutal dose of the fear today, and as such I am plagued with guilt over drinking last night, even though I am off today. I feel like I’ve let myself down, that I lost control and that I’ve annoyed people. This paranoia is crippling. Add in a hangover and I’m a walking catastrophe. Dead man walking. Black circles decorate my eyes; my liver is ready to pack its bags and move out. I literally cannot keep down water, food, dignity etc.

If I was a Pokemon my name would be ‘I will not be sick’ as that’s all I can say right now.  That said I did have a good time, so that makes it alright? No, maybe not. I really don’t know. My mind is an absolute mess today and I’m currently dreading going out tonight. I need to budget this month as well as there have been a few money issues I’ll need to iron out over the next few weeks.

I also really want to get my flat mate/best friend something great for his birthday, but I am totally short on ideas. Anyway, please don’t judge how terse and dull this entry is. I promise something more riveting tomorrow.

2 thoughts on “The fear.

  1. Sorry you’re hung over! But you’re funny, and that’s amazing. Not that I’m laughing at you feeling under the weather…but your descriptions are clever and have just the right touch of self-deprecation. Hope you’re better soon! ~ Sheila

    Liked by 1 person

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