June 8th

Taking stock of what really matters, of who really matters, today. Over the past 48 hours I’ve been arguing with myself, and attempting to silence the herd of negativity stampeding through my head is never easy. Yet it needs to be done and done it has been. It is time for the swift removal of anything and anyone that injects even the smallest amount of doubt or negativity into my life; from something as mundane and trite as those on Twitter or Snapchat to those who I surround myself with. I will not have my happiness leached of off by plague of self-serving, self-involved twats that aren’t aware there’s a vast world beyond themselevs and their phone screen.

The sheer level of inconsideration we display towards each other is disgusting and that inconsideration is a major player in this never ending game of ‘pull me down’ the world seems to play with me. If I’ve openly told you I have feelings for you, I don’t want to see you bed with another guy on Snapchat. If all you’re interested in is bombarding me with images of your naked body, threadbare as it now due to  the various guys you’ve had dangling off it,(that’s my really ostentatious way of saying you’re a slut, by the way) then you can vacate my life immediately.

I am so bad for answering the door to negativity, and especially bad for letting others make me feel that way, but you know what? Not any more.  As I’ve mentioned previously in other entries I am so paranoid about my appearance and that is largely due to glaring eyes of judgement and rejection I’ve been victim to at the hands of a lot of Glasgow gays. You may have your youth and clique just now, but one day that façade will fade and six-pack will evaporate and then where will you be? Karma may not catch up with you, but time sure will.

As I said before the level on inconsideration we display towards each other is horrific. Other people’s feelings only matter when they don’t jeopardise what you want there and then, right?  It isn’t really any surprise though. Clubs absolutely reek of narcissism and stale bitchiness. Every one literally just loiters with whatever flock they came with, taking photos of themselves, as if trying to prove their own existence. Very little dancing actually goes on. Just pouting and flashbulbs. Only time I use the flash on my phone on a night out is in attempt to temporarily blind someone I’m interested in, in the vain hope that it’ll increase my chances of pulling by a good 46%.

But I am through with that (chasing guys and being crippled by rejection, not the nights out. I’m not happy enough for perpetual sobriety) and I’ll no longer allow someone else’s view on how I look bother me. If it does, I’ll simply create a replica of them on the sims, trap them in their room and burn the house down. Same applies to anyone I spend active amounts of time with that don’t bring anything positive to the table, you can leave my life and never come back. I may not be better, but I deserve better.


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