Melodramatic when ill

When I’m ill I’m as useless as a tube of sucked out smarties.

I’ll start be serving up some apologies the blatant neglect this blog has been victim to over the last week, but I can assure you there were reasons. Anyway, I’m not apologising to you in particular, it’s more of a way of saying to myself as I promised I would be committed to this and I am – besides I paid for this domain for the year so better take advantage of that.

Last week was the first week in my new job, and like an adventure untaken by someone who genuinely doesn’t have a clue how to navigate through this adult world it was a challenge. I seem to be settling in ok and the team are all lovely, but that’s all I’m going to really say because I want to keep my work life out of this. This blog is my outlet; my way of venting about aspects and areas of my life. So that when I go into said job I’m not likely to catapult into spontaneous bursts of unhinged rage for no apparent reason.

The other reason I didn’t post anything over the weekend was because I was struck down by what felt like the wrath of the Gods. What hatched as mild headache Friday morning had by noon grew to early stages of a migraine. Now, I never get migraines, never ever. So for the first few hours I had simply placed it down to a tough first week at work and decided to power through. Fast-forward to the end of the shift and random blind sports started sprinkling across my eyes, my vision went haze and my head felt like the seven dwarfs had each, one-at-a-time, taken a solid thirty minutes bludgeoning my skull in with their pickaxes. So I staggered home, blinking like a dizzy cat, receiving looks of ‘he’s white girl wasted’ from random passers-by. I know what you’re thinking, if I was struggling to see that much then how could I catch people glaring at me. I’ll tell you: A friend text me Saturday morning saying ‘you were wrecked last night.’ Now I never saw said friend, but working of her assumption that I was wrecked I can guarantee the hordes of people I zig-zagged through must have been thinking the same.



I woke up Saturday morning, after what felt like an eternity trapped in a box as my brain was stuck in some weird loop that had my swinging off a bar every time I closed my eyes, and not only had the migraine set up camp, it also invited its friend: some weird flu-virus type thing. So I was wrestling with all of the above migraine symptoms and the usual flu-like ones too: sore throat, entire body aches, neck stiff. I was bed ridden, useless. Gone to the world. I law there like some sort of beached manatee, funnelling pain killers and ibuprofen down my throat like they were candy. I’d suddenly become freezing, so I’d wrapped myself up in layers of blankets and clothes. Then I’d be too warm, so I’d strip down only to be freezing again moments later.

This pretty much continued all the way through till Sunday when I felt so bad that I thought I was going to have to go to hospital. So I called NHS24. Following their advice, I just lay there, no blankets over me; either sweating like a punctured dinghy or listening to the sound of my bony kneecaps bash together. All the while supplicating with God to rid me of this curse and alleviate me from any further torment. My body is as good at fighting a virus as I would be in a fucking boxing match. Eventually, after 34 minutes of trying, I manged to peel and eat an orange (I hadn’t eaten much since Friday afternoon: One slice of bread, a slice of pizza and said orange + a million litres of water.) Following the colossal challenge that was eating an orange, I vomited. Twice.

Last night was the most potent and weirdest trip I have ever been on. I spent half the night hallucinating that my door was opening the closing; that someone was lurking the corner of my room. The friend was sitting on the edge of my bed. It was some next level crazy shit. I had to keep checking my shoelaces because I was trippin’. Ahem. But today I have woken up feeling a bit better. The migraine has been served an eviction notice, effective immediately and flu-virus symptoms have slowly begun to shift as well. I still don’t feel at full strength, but I’m just glad I don’t have to call in sick or spend another day in bed. The only negative is I’m extremely pale so I’m going to be cutting about work looking like a corpse.

I never do well with being ill; mostly because I never really get physically sick. I normally just manage to shake things off quite quickly. The other year however, I tried my usual ‘shake it off’ routine but it turned I had pneumonia and I wound in hospital and off work for nearly two months. Since then every time I even sneeze I think all my vital organs are failing. So I’m feel any helping of melodrama I dish out is totally justified.

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