I’ve always considered myself fairly perceptive when it comes to what other people are thinking or feeling. I can normally attribute their actions and reactions to a logical reason; and a lot of time that reason is simple: They are being a rude prick. However, if I care about someone, or harbour any form of emotional attachment toward them, then my insight into their behaviours is often blurred or skewed.
These people – the ones who manage to slip under my radar – seem to cause me nothing but grief and anxiety, whilst also leaving me in a state of self-loathing and self-doubt. It’s a weakness I’ve always had: the curse of allowing one person to dictate my mood. Lately this has been happening so often that this morning (when it happened again) I finally had a long over-due epiphany: I am not the problem, they are. Another life lesson has finally schooled me.
I need to stop expecting people to change, because they won’t. I simply need to alter how I take them. If they cause me any form of anxiety or stress, make me doubt myself or accuse me of lying, I shall cut them out and add the snake emoji to their names in my phone book to remind me not to take anything they say to heart, (and a snake + a cow if they exceptionally bad. Nobody likes a snaky cow.)
So I’ve compiled a list. A simple, yet necessary, list that lays out the kind of people you don’t need in your life.
People that make snap judgements about you: This probably isn’t the worst type of person, but it definitely is the one that riles me up the most. On Sunday past whilst out at a gay bar with my friend, I saw someone I knew. Over he came and said hello, whilst his entourage barely afforded me a single glance. I said hello to them, because what does being polite cost? Nothing that’s what. But I was met with little more than rude mumbles. I am not a moron, and some people are easier to read than a children’s book.
I could blatantly tell that, because I wasn’t deemed attractive by the ignorant hoard, I was to be ignored. Anyone that makes a snap judgement about you over looks especially, needs to be reminded that looks aren’t everything. I know the majority of you are shallower than a kiddy swimming pool. So it’s with that said I’ll tell you this: it’s your loss, there’s more to someone that looks, build a bridge and get over yourselves.
If you make someone feel completely uneasy or out of place because of your belief you’re hotter than them, then I pray to see the day when your looks fade, your waist expands and your skin wrinkles and someone subjects you to the same humiliation. On that day the only thing you will have to show people is your rotten personality.
Part time friends: I will be the first to throw my hands up and admit I can be terrible at texting people back. It is never done out of ignorance, but sometimes I’m either swamped with work, writing or simply need a few hours away from my constantly-chirping phone. I’m not saying people that takes ages to respond should make a mass exodus from my life, no. I’m referring to those people that suspiciously never answers my texts, yet when I am with them they’re always on their phone. Those folks that are there when and if it suits them. Those irksome little social-sewer-rats that only grace you with their presence when they need someone, or are completely bored.
I am not your backup plan, nor am I happy to wait until you feel like you want to talk to me. If you can’t conjure up the decency to say a simple hello when you’re with your other friends in public, then don’t call me at 4am looking for a place to crash. You can sleep on the streets for all I care. Don’t send me inappropriate snaps. Don’t lie about me or to me – and if you are going to lie, at least make it convincing. Don’t disrespect me or take advantage of my generosity. No, if you can’t be bothered to be there for me like I am there for you, then you can make a swift exit from my life.
People that hold grudges: Petty or not, grudges just drain you. Whether I got with a boy you ‘liked’ or brutally butchered your goldfish, for your own sake let it go. I hate having to tiptoe around someone because I’m scared to provoke a reaction or confrontation. As of this morning this will stop and I will no longer govern my tongue or care what you think. Haters go hate etc.
People that are ‘entitled.’ People that think they are above me, for whatever reason. Whether it is because they went to a fancy university, or they are better looking than me, or if they come from money. Those people are a plague of locus that swarm in and out of my life and I really don’t need them. You may feel you’re better and smarter than someone else, but that doesn’t afford you the right to belittle anyone. I never want to run in social-circles that are inhabited by people like this, because in my few dealings with them already my tolerance has been completely depleted.
People that are jealous, fake and/or dramatic. Those people that find a way to shit on my parade. No, it’s cool, it’s only my hopes and dreams. I cannot abide any one that feels the need to constantly put someone down or feels the need to always puts on a show – something all too common in the gay scene. Anyone that says anything they don’t mean to me, and then backtracks on it at a later date, you’re exhausting to keep up with. I don’t need anyone who makes their own life difficult, because eventually you will make mine difficult too.
People that basically accuse you of lying: If we are friends and I tell you something, or answer a question, and you don’t believe me, then we are not friends. Friendship is built on a foundation of trust, so if you can’t trust me you can’t be in my life. I don’t plan on wasting any more energy defending myself needlessly. It does nothing but cause a spike in my anxiety levels. Perhaps you should steer your attention to your own insecurities or perhaps question other people in your life? Don’t make drama when their isn’t even a scene.
People that use you emotionally and physically. This can apply to a lot of different people and various situations, but in this context I am referring to those who use you (me) for sex or emotional comfort. In light of recent events I’m beginning to see that I am not the issue, but rather certain people are. It is not my fault you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone. It is not my fault you still employ ‘it’s cause of my ex’ as an excuse to get you out of commitment, but will happily climb naked into my bed.
It is not okay for you to say to me when I want to stop halfway through sex that you ‘don’t care, as long as you’re here with me’ to make me feel better, then ignore me for days after. Be a man, say it if you mean it. If I have feelings for you or if I hurled my body into yours, you should feel blessed. If I kiss you in an unfocused yet passionate way at any given opportunity, then you should consider yourself lucky, not think I’m too intense. I am tired of all these relationships falling apart because so many guys are scared of commitment. I am not going to be anyone’s booty call or eager-plus one anymore. I am a catch. I am a unicorn. I am a fucking needle in a haystack and you aren’t worthy of my time, let alone my heart.
What sort of people do I want in my life? Not those sort of people. I need to rid myself of these people-pleasing instincts. If they in any way, shape or form make me feel bad about myself then, well, there’s the door. The 5X5 rule seems to very relevant to me right now. Basically, if someone won’t be in your life in five years, then don’t waste another five minutes on them.